Why Guilt Doesn't Help You Stop
1) Short answer
Guilt and shame increase stress and impulsivity, causing the brain to seek quick relief - often with the same play. The result is a loop: "played → wine → stress → still play to make it easier." Stopping is not a reproach, but a structure: external barriers to money and access, before-during-after rules, short pauses, transparent accounting and support for people/specialists.
2) Why wine "adds gasoline" to the fire
1. Negative reinforcement. Guilt is painful → the game quickly relieves tension → the brain remembers: "bet = relief."
2. Narrowing attention under stress. Cortisol and noradrenaline make decisions short: "if only it doesn't hurt so much now."
3. Black and white thinking. "Broke → it means that I am a weak" → "since so, I will reach zero/before the bonus."
4. Learned helplessness. "There's Something Wrong With Me" takes away faith in change and puts off real help.
5. Self-punishment with money/time. Paradoxically, guilt justifies the sequel: "I deserved to lose/fight back."
6. Secrecy. Shame closes access to support: lies, loans, night sessions - the cycle intensifies.
3) Guilt ≠ responsibility
Guilt looks back: "bad/guilty."
Responsibility looks forward: "what can I change in the environment and in the rules so that the next session goes differently."
The change of focus removes self-flagellation and translates energy into concrete actions.
4) What works instead of guilt: the architecture of change
A) External barriers (done in 30-60 minutes)
Money: a separate card with a daily limit, a ban on credit funds, auto-transfer of part of the income "out of reach."
Access: self-exclusion/site and application blockers (especially at night), remove saved cards.
Wednesday: "warm" screen in the evening, without headphones, a place to play ≠ a workplace.
B) Pause protocol "in the moment"
Stop triggers: big win (WIN-PEAK), 3 cons in a row, NEAR series, ≥4/5 emotions.
Pause 5-10 minutes for any trigger: water/breath 4-7-8/short walk.
Ban on dogon and volatility change in the same session.
C) Before-during-after rules
Before: goal (time/entertainment), bank per block, rate (u =\frac {\text {bank}} {N}), stop loss and teik profit, time limit 45-60 min, night "curfew."
During: rate corridor ± 10-15% of (u), autospin off with bursts, live - only if there is 60-90 seconds to check EV.
After: fact log: turnover, total, duration, emotions (1-5), WIN-PEAK/NEAR/TILT tags. Results - once a day, not every 5 minutes.
D) Support instead of shame
Responsibility interlocutor: agree on a weekly check of limits/access to funds.
Mutual aid groups/therapy: CBT and motivational interviewing help break the guilt → game loop.
Repair of consequences: honestly describe debts/obligations and draw up a plan for their closure - this gives control and reduces shame.
5) Micro-skills that extinguish guilt and take back control
The language of facts, not labels. Instead of "I am weak" → "today: 70 min, − 85 u, 2 triggers, no dogons."
"First imperfection" rule. If you break off the plan - do not expand the limits "since it went." Stop time/SL still works.
Check list "after misfire" (3 steps):1. Pause 10 minutes and water.
2. Logging facts.
3. One repair action (transfer X% of the balance to an unavailable account/write to a partner/close access for 24 hours).
Mini off-field rewards. For compliance with the plan - tea/shower/short walk. Dopamine without risk.
6) Why being soft on yourself is not a "weakness" but a technology
Stress reduction → more prefrontal control. Less likely to "close the pain with a bet."
Learning, not self-punishment. Magazine and A/B experiments ("with pauses" vs "without") change behavior faster than reproaches.
Discipline as metric, not morality.
[
\ textbf {Compliance} =\frac {#\text {sessions with SL/TP/time met}} {#\text {of all sessions} }\\\text {purpose }\\ge 80%
]
It's a clear, measurable goal instead of a vague "stop being bad."
7) 7 signs you're out of the guilt loop
1. Less often you check the balance "every 2 minutes."
2. You pause for triggers ≥80% of the time.
3. Less dogon, the rate corridor is respected.
4. There are no night "suspenders"; sleep stabilizes.
5. There were "replacements" for the game (sports/business/meetings).
6. You talk about money honestly, there is a plan to close debts.
7. The mood is smoother, less impulsive.
8) Frequent myths - short
"I will scold myself more - I will stop. "-We abuse ourselves → a stress ↑ → an impulse ↑. Barriers and a plan work, not reproaches.
"If it broke, everything was gone. "- False dichotomy. The next step is important: pause, record, repair.
"Strong will is enough. "- In the trigger, the will is late; needs environment architecture and support.
9) When professional help is needed
If the limits are regularly broken, there are debts/secrecy, the game interferes with work/family, as well as with depression, anxiety or thoughts of self-harm - consult a specialist (psychotherapist, mutual assistance groups). In case of an acute threat - local emergency services/the nearest medical center.
10) The bottom line
Guilt seems like a "moral brake," but in practice it accelerates the cycle - increases stress and pulls to "quick relief" through the game. The stop is provided not by reproaches, but by the system: external barriers to money and access, pause protocol, fact log, honest repair of consequences and support. Shift the focus from "I am bad" to "what I am changing in the environment and rules today" - and self-control will begin to return.