How to talk to loved ones about the problem of excitement

Shortly

The main goal of the conversation is not an admission of guilt for the sake of punishment, but a union and a plan: security today, clear boundaries tomorrow, support for a long time. Four steps work: prepare → tell the facts and feelings → offer a specific plan → agree on checks and boundaries.

1) Preparation: 15-30 minutes "before talking"

Choose a time and place. No rush, sober, not late at night; turn off notifications.

Gather facts (no excuses): when and how played, consequences (time, money, sleep), attempts at control.

Define the goal for the conversation: "get support for a pause of 30 days," "agree on budget rules," "agree on a responsibility partner."

Prepare a plan for today: timeout/blocker, deletion of saved cards, limits in the bank.

Make a draft of 4 sentences: "what happened → how I feel → what I'm already doing → what kind of help I need."

Mini checklist before starting

Sober, not in "hot" emotions
There are concrete steps "today"
There are requests for 1-2 sentences
Ready to listen without interrupting

2) How to say: the formula "NNPP"

Observation → Need → Plans → Request.

Observation (facts): No assessments or understatements.

Need (feelings and needs): "I'm scared/ashamed/need to recover."

Plans (what I'm already doing): timeout, blocks, limits, appointment with a specialist/group.

Request (specifics): "Ask me tomorrow"..., "Help me see the budget"....

Example (2-3 minutes)

💡 "In recent months, I've played more often and for longer than I intended. It cost us sleep and money, I am ashamed and anxious. I take a break for 30 days: today I turn on the timeout, delete saved cards and set limits. Need help - ask me tomorrow if I'm keeping the plan and let's see the budget together over the weekend and agree on the rules.'

3) If you are a loved one who starts a conversation

Keep the focus on security and borders, not accusations.

Script:

💡 "I notice that you often play late into the night and hide deposits. I worry and want us to find a safe plan together: pause, limits, financial rules. Can I help you turn on the timeout today and discuss the budget tomorrow?"

4) On complex feelings: guilt, shame, anger

Guilt: useful for responsibility and steps, not for self-eating.

Shame: paralyzing. Say "I made (a) mistake," not "I'm terrible."

Anger: both sides are possible. Contract: when the voice rises, a pause of 15 minutes → and a return to the timer conversation.

Deescalator phrases

"Let's not look for the guilty, but make a list of actions for today and for the week."

"I hear your anger/pain. Let's fix it and go back to the steps."
'It's hard for me to say it but I want to be honest/honest and correct.'

5) Boundaries and agreements (minimum set)

1. Time and access: "Night silence 23: 00-08: 00," blockers, white list of sites/applications.

2. Money: separate card without overdraft; limits in the bank and operator; push transaction notifications.

3. Transparency: Weekly 15-minute reconciliation: "deposits = 0? budget? sleep? ».

4. Communication: "difficult topics - during the day, soberly, on a timer of 25 minutes."

5. Family safety: large spending - only on the principle of "two signatures."

Family Memo Template (1 page)

Target for 30 days: __________

Timeout/blocks enabled before: __________

Limits: time ___ min/session; losses/week ≤ ___; magnification - only after ___ hours

Transparency: report on Sundays in ___ (Nov/Table/Appendix)

Help contacts: line/group/specialist: __________

6) Financial part of the conversation (no shame, with facts)

Inventory (real): debts/interest/timing; mandatory payments; subscriptions; "holes."

Priorities: first housing/food/communal/mandatory payments; entertainment budget = 0 before stabilization.

Steps today: freeze "quick replenishments," remove cards, set up limits and notifications, issue withdrawal of balances.

The role of a loved one: participates in weekly reconciliation, does not close debts "blindly," helps with negotiations on restructuring, but does not take everything upon himself.

Phrase frame

💡 "I'm not asking you to save me with money. I ask you to help me keep the plan and check that I am fulfilling it."

7) If you encounter resistance/depreciation

Scenario "I control everything"

💡 "Rad (a), if so. Let's check: a week without night sessions and deposits? If it works out, great. If not, let's go back to the blockers and pause."

You're exaggerating/it's nonsense scenario

💡 "I see the consequences: lack of sleep, secrecy, tension. Let's agree on a 30-day experiment with limits and transparency. We'll decide what's next in a month.'

Aggression/Withdrawal Scenario

💡 "I care about this conversation, but I don't want to swear. Take a pause of 20 minutes and come back with a timer. If not ready now - we will discuss in the morning."

8) Support instead of control: how to help, not "supervise"

Ask what formats of help are comfortable: reminder, joint reconciliation, "control call."

Agree on "I-messages": "I am scared and it is important that..." instead of "You are again"....

Acknowledge the progress: "Thank you for saying (a) truth," "It's great that a week without night games."

Take care of yourself: a loved one also needs rest, boundaries and their own support.

9) Breakdown and how to talk about it (scripts for 60-90 seconds)

If it broke (broke):

💡 "Yesterday/today I broke (broke): ___ in ___ time. Already done: timeout 48 h, deleted cards, wrote down trigger and lesson (1 point). Need help: ask me tomorrow if I'm holding a plan and let's update the memo and limits over the weekend.'

Close answer:

💡 "Thanks for saying it right away. Let's fix: timeout is on, today - sleep and water. Tomorrow we are discussing a lesson and how to strengthen barriers. I'm there, but we keep the boundaries."

10) Conversation with a child/teenager (if relevant)

Simple and honest, without the details of the amounts: "The games took me too much time and effort, I am learning to manage it."

Stress safety: "It's an adult thing. If something bothers you, tell me right away."

Personal example: "I have rules: night silence, limits. We're with (the name) checking them together.'

11) 14-day plan: "words → actions"

Days 1-3: talk, timeout, blocks, card deletion, night silence; short plan entry (1 page).

Days 4-7: family memo, financial inventory, first joint reconciliation; team/specialist selection.

Days 8-10: consolidation: whitelist of days/games, pre-alerts 70/90% in time/losses, rule "decisions - tomorrow."

Days 11-14: first mini-score: sleep, deposits, mood; adjusting the memo and assigning the next check.

12) Mini message templates

Please support:

'It's hard for me but I'm choosing recovery. Today I turn on the timeout and delete the cards. Please ask me tomorrow if I'm following the plan.'

Assign reconciliation:

"Let's watch on Sundays at 12:00 15 minutes: deposits = 0, sleep, budget. If something is wrong, we will strengthen the barriers."

Refuse to pressure/breakdown of emotions:

"I hear your anger. Let's pause for 20 minutes and go back to the steps. I want a solution, not a scandal.'

13) Checklists

Before the conversation

Quiet time/place, no alcohol or rush
4 NNPP proposals
Concrete steps "today"
A willingness to listen and not defend yourself

After the conversation (same day)

Timeout/blockers enabled
Cards removed, bank limits set
Financial reconciliation date set
Family memo draft saved/signed

Weekly

15 minutes of plan reconciliation
Updated memo (if needed)
Noted progress and bottlenecks

14) Frequent mistakes and how to avoid them

Conversation "in a fever" or at night. → Transfer to morning/day, with a timer.

General vows without a plan. → Always "today I do X, tomorrow we check Y."

"Trust me" requirement. → Replace with transparency: reports, limits, delay for raises.

Shame/insults. → Destroys the union; hold on to facts and steps.

Complete financial control of a loved one without an agreement. → Dangerous for relationships; better "two signatures," joint reconciliation and clear boundaries.

15) When external help is needed

Breakdowns more often 1-2 times a week, secrecy, debts grow.

Conflicts escalate, conversations "explode."

Insomnia, panic symptoms, thoughts of self-harm.

Contact a Behavioral Specialist (CBT/MI), mutual aid groups, and a debt counselor. With crisis thoughts - urgently to local emergency services/crisis help line.

Talking about the problem of excitement is not a one-time "shot at the truth," but the beginning of a union. Talk about facts and feelings, suggest a plan, ask for specific support, fix boundaries and check regularly. So words turn into actions, and relationships - into a real support for recovery.