How loved ones can help a dependent player
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Game addiction affects not only the player, but also his environment. Helping loved ones is not about controlling "every step," but creating conditions in which it is easier for a person to stop and start recovery. Below is a clear, practical plan.
1) What's important to understand from the start
Addiction is not a "weakness of character," but a pattern of behavior that is fixed by emotions, environment and habits.
You're not a therapist or a cop. Your role is support, boundaries and help with organizing the environment.
Goal: safety (finances/sleep/health), reduced triggers, mild motivation for professional help.
2) How to say: the formula "FACT - FEELING - REQUEST - UNION"
Use "I-messages," avoid accusations and depreciation.
Script (30-45 sec):Mistakes to avoid: "You are irresponsible," "get together," "if you love, you will stop." It reinforces shame and secrecy.
3) What to do and what not to do
To do
Record facts (amounts, time, delays) without estimates.
Offer specific help: set up a cool-off, limits, blocker; make a budget together.
Agree on a regular short report (once a week 10 minutes).
Support healthy alternatives: sleep, walks, activities, meeting friends.
Encourage referral (motivational interviewing, CBT, mutual aid groups).
Do not do
Covering debts without a recovery plan is "feeding" addiction.
Espionage, total control, public humiliation.
Ultimatums that you are not ready to fulfill.
"Save" at the cost of your own burnout (self-care is mandatory).
4) Financial fuses for the family
Divide the money into "five containers": Mandatory/Reserve/Goals/Discretion/Game (if the game is allowed as leisure).
Turn on the limits: day/month on the "Game" card, turn off auto-save of cards.
Set up compatible access to the budget application/table (display only).
For winnings - the rule is 50/30/20: 50% in reserve, 30% in family goals, 20% back to bankroll (not higher than the monthly ceiling).
With debts: priority of mandatory payments, restructuring, ban on new loans "for the game."
5) Digital and behavioral hygiene
Cool-off/self-exclusion for 72 hours-30 days by agreement.
"gambling" blocker on phone/PC; the unlock code is kept close.
Game windows (if the game is allowed): only during the day, 20-25 minutes, timer and "reality check."
Exit rituals: water, short walk, switching to a household task.
6) 72-hour plan (when the problem escalated)
Day 1 (now):1. Calm conversation on the script.
2. Turn on the cool-off for at least 72 hours.
3. Lower the limits of the "Game" card to 0, delete the saved cards.
4. Move/close triggers: streams, chats, mailings.
5. Sleep 7-8 hours, water, 20-minute walk.
Day 2:- Jointly fill in one page of analysis of the last 1-2 sessions (without accusations): rules → facts → emotions → one lesson → one edit.
- Make a family budget and payment plan for the month.
- Choose a specialist and agree on the first consultation (if the person agrees).
- Approve new rules (rate ≤1% BR, stop loss 2-3% BR, timer 20-25 min, dogon prohibition).
- Assign a weekly slot of 10 minutes for general inspection.
7) 30-day family contract (short)
1. Goal: safety, transparency, gradual recovery.
2. Rules: limits on money/time, game windows, diary "6 lines" (fact/emotion/output).
3. Reporting: once a week 10 minutes (without disputes).
4. Finance: when winning - 50/30/20; unscheduled deposits - 0.
5. Therapy/support: 1-4 appointments per month (on readiness).
6. Relapse: fixed protocol (see below).
7. Boundaries of loved ones: what you do/do not do (I do not cover debts without a plan, I do not give cash "to paycheck," etc.).
Sign, hang in an accessible place, revise once a month.
8) If there was a relapse: what to do without panic
Stop step: no charges, go back to facts and procedures.
Technical measures: new cool-off, limits = 0 for 72 hours, lock check.
Parsing into 1 page: what worked/what failed, one edit for the next cycle.
Taking care of the basic mode: sleep, food, walks.
If relapses recur and there are debts/conflicts, strengthen the support of a specialist, consider a longer self-exclusion.
9) Red flags: When urgent help is needed
Thoughts of self-harm/despair.
High debts, threats of collectors, risks of violence.
Complete loss of sleep/appetite, severe panic attacks.
Action: Provide security, contact local emergency services/crisis specialists. Maintain presence and calm, without pressure.
10) Taking care of yourself for loved ones (otherwise the resource will not be enough)
Personal boundaries: You're not responsible for another adult's decisions, you're responsible for your own stability.
Decompression: sports, sleep, hobbies, communication without the topic of addiction.
Support for you: individual consultations/groups for relatives of dependents.
Oxygen mask rule: first restore yourself - then help.
11) Short checklist for the family
- We discussed the problem by script (fact - feeling - request - union).
- Included cool-off and blocker; card limits are set up.
- There is a family budget and "five containers."
- Negotiated a weekly 10-minute review without controversy.
- Specialist/support team selected (or assigned).
[The] recidivism plan is prescribed without charges.
[The] loved ones have their own self-care plan.
12) Frequent questions (short)
Is it worth hiding money? It is reasonable to protect mandatory payments and reserve. Do it transparently: "this is how we keep the family safe."
Will the ultimatum help? Only if you are ready to do it. Better - a joint contract and procedures.
Is it possible "rarely and little by little"? Sometimes - yes, subject to strict rules and reporting. But with relapses/debts - pause and therapy.
Support for loved ones works when there are three things: respectful communication, hard and clear boundaries, regular procedures (cool-offs, limits, budget, reports) plus a willingness to attract professional help. So you stop "extinguishing fires" and help a person build a sustainable recovery system, while maintaining your strength and relationships.